Gurl…let me.. Unzip yo spacecase..
Find all them tools..
Wana doodle in yo maths book, just without the rules..
Will you sharpen my pencil?
Rub my eraser..
Do me, not your homework..
Save that for later..”
It’s gonna be nuts-to-butts up in that piece! Big ol’ rangle dangle!
Twas the night before Christmas and all through ma crib
Homies passed out on the floor and on Jack Daniels I sip.
As I sat on ma king sized bed
And thoughts ran thru ma oversized head
I realised I Asked Santa for This party instead!
I was mad, I was angry, this was ma gift!
To wake up tomorrow and clean a house messed like shit!
So I wrote another letter at 11:59, and realised I had set my clock a few minutes delayed - It was the wrong damn time!
But then I realised that all over ma kitchen
There was food, and crackers, and oh yes - Bitches who made wishes!
So Now, when that Fat bastard slides through ma chimney
With gifts galore and cd’s from Whitney,
I’m gonna shoot the motherfucker if he don’t change ma gift
So Santa! Make me the Coolest Asshole that eva lived!”
“Pigeon Rap :
Bitch You a Canary, a Dyed Cockatiel
You get seeds for nothin
my food I gotta steal
You Take yo cage for granted
you don’t care bit
and you make them people clean up all yo shit
You Yellow so overrated,
I’m silver, I’m fine
I’m an A-class fighter,
gotta hussle to survive!!
(looool my parrot annoyed me so I imagined how a gangster hobo pigeon would feel)”
Getting ready to begin the degree I know I’m meant to, I’m excited.
The nightmares, depression and cutting seem so long ago, I feel I’m in another state of mind. The one that I need to be to lead me to success. I feel stronger against all the negative energy I used to allow to eat at me so easily.
I feel more confident. More tolerant. I let things go a bit easier.
Ever since I was little, I’ve wanted so badly to be successful in order to move out. I worked hard , it was as though I was trying to buy myself a metaphorical ticket away from this place.
My family has problems, like others. But the level of hatred geared at one another in just the words cut like a knife. The ignorant idea that words hurt less, and you shouldn’t think before you speak is evident. There is no ounce of regret. There are no apologies.
I won’t deny that I love my family, I’d do anything for them. But I need to move out, I need to move on.
I’ve always wanted to have a pretty room, like in those instagram/pinterest photos. Maybe even just posters of art I liked.
I used to decorate my wall with stickers up until the time I turned 11.
I realised I wanted to get out, and so I forced myself to become uncomfortable. I took down all my things. I put away all my tokens.
My room still has nothing on the walls and the only personal items are gifts from loved ones and my clothes strewn on the floor.
I came close to decorating, but I never want my room to feel permanent, as this just gets me down, and so I decided against it.
I realise that me not decorating was a decision I made as a child, and may not hold much meaning to some,but holding onto decisions like this remind me of who I was, and all the ambition I had, even as a child, and who I am now - watching myself become who I want to be.
The hardworking little girl who taught herself to read, write and count is still in me .I’m getting used to feeling okay, and feeling happy. So far it’s been awesome, and I’m noticing little changes, slowly.
I just felt like writing. ^^